Geniuses and 4-Year-Olds

Question: What do a genius and a 4-year-old have in common?

Answer: They can't be defeated in an argument.

Imelda's Feet

Imelda Marcos had hundreds of pairs of shoes ... but only two feet.

Martha Stewart Revisited

With the indictment of Dick Cheney's chief of staff (and soon, perhaps, Karl Rove) on charges of lying to investigators pursuing a non-crime, one can't help but think of Martha Stewart, who was jailed not for securities fraud but for foolishly misleading investigators. What a mess. And the crying shame is that the biggest liar in the whole affair, Joe Wilson, is getting off scot free.

Field of Quotas

As the White Sox celebrated their historic championship, all-time home run king Hank Aaron attempted to throw a wet blanket of racial grievance over the festivities. Noting that only 9 percent of Major League Baseball players are African Americans, including none on the National League champion Astros, Aaron suggested that baseball authorities look into the matter.

Aaron is only to be respected for his prodigious achievement eclipsing Babe Ruth's all-time home run record amid ugly expressions of white racism. But isn't it time we stopped dragging out this issue?

So what if only 9 percent of Major Leaguers are African American? Isn't that close to their percentage in the population of America? And Aaron's quota approach for blacks ignores the fact that there are far more blacks than that in the big leagues. But apparently all those who come from Latin America don't count. And as for the Astros, if someone could've gotten a key hit for them during the Series, isn't it obvious they wouldn't have cared whether he was white, black, red, or green?

If we're going to start imposing race-based quotas in sports (the ultimate meritocracy), then let's not forget basketball, where most players are black.

Baseball Curses

Last night the Chicago White Sox completed a sweep of the Houston Astros in the World Series, mercifully ending an 88-year drought. Combined with the championship last year of the Boston Red Sox and the 2003 championship of the Chicago Cubs, I think it's time to confidently say that baseball curses are a thing of the past.

Oh, wait a minute. The Cubs blew it in 2003, didn't they?

Adversity and Good Times

A person is tested by adversity ... almost as much as by good times.

Ethical Business

The Golden Rule is not only a good way to live; it's also a good way to do business.

Raving Against Rove

The other day I saw an anti-Rove bumper sticker. I remember all the conservative animosity toward Bill and Hillary during the last administration, but I can never recall seeing a bumper sticker targeting the oily James Carville.

Come on, liberals. It's time to get a life.

Nice and Good

Being nice isn't the same as being good.

Good News in Iraq

While Karl Rove and Tom DeLay have legal clouds hanging over them and President Bush has to somehow clean up his Harriet Miers mess, future historians will note that it was a great week for the Administration. First, Iraqis approved their Constitution by referendum, improving the possibility that democracy is in the autocratic region's future. Second, the trial of Saddam Hussein, the "Butcher of Baghdad," has begun. Even the president's harshest critics can't ignore this good news . . . can they?

Freezing Over

The White Sox and Astros are in the World Series.

Weather forecast for the netherworld: ice and snow.

The Fall of Saint Michael

From our couches and easy chairs we sports fans tend to confer a moral status on our favorite athletes that they usually do not deserve. Michael Jordan is now confessing to 60 Minutes an extensive and damaging gambling habit. This has been known for some time. When "MJ" was winning six championships with the Bulls, his supporters excused such behavior with references to his "competitive nature." Or they said gambling was his choice of "recreation," and besides, he could afford it. More recently, Jordan's philandering has been exposed.

Remember the commencial that sang, "I Want to Be Like Mike"? I do, and I don't, if you know what I mean.

This is not to pick on Jordan. But his fall should remind us that sports figures have a limited utility as heroes. Better to confer that status on the less flashy and pampered people all around us: moms and dads, firefighters and soldiers, teachers and pastors. Sounds like a good bet to me.

Fine Print 3

"This product is not intended to treat or cure any disease. (In fact, there is no reason to buy it. We just hope to cash in on your gullibility.)"

Growing Older

One road sign on the way to middle age is when you grow older than your sports heroes. You know you've arrived when you're older than their coaches and managers.

About Time

With the White Sox playing late into the night and now possibly headed for a World Series victory for the first time since World War I, expect a birth dearth in Chicago about nine months from now.

Last Names First

During an outing yesterday with my kids, it struck me again how many parents nowadays name their children last names ... not that there's anything wrong with it. If I'm not mistaken, the names of three kids in one family were Jackson, Cole, and Kennedy (a girl). What this means I haven't a clue. I'm just wondering where all the regular kid names went. Jimmy, Johnny, and Lisa have been replaced by Tyler, Smith, and Reagan. Am I the only person to have noticed?

Big News

It was a busy news week: Iraqis prepared to vote on their new Constitution. The press was up in arms over a (gasp!) staged teleconference with U.S. troops. The controversy with the Harriet Miers nomination rolled on, with members of the Administration accusing conservative critics of sexism and elitism. And Al Gore announced he would not be running for president.

Al who?

Easy to Command?

Some people (such as the president) are telling evangelicals to support Harriet Miers for the Supreme Court because she is a fellow evangelical. Kind of reminds me of the liberal assessment years ago that evangelicals are "poor, uneducated, and easy to command." We aren't. Actually, we're glad that Miers has received Christ and is going to heaven. Some of us just aren't so sure we want her going to the Supreme Court.

Unworthy Appeal

Seeking to shore up conservative support for the unknown and underqualifued Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court, President Bush is playing the religion card. "People are interested to know why I picked Harriet Miers," the president said. "They want to know Harriet Miers' background. They want to know as much as they possibly can before they form opinions. Part of Harriet Miers' life is her religion."

Democrats who brought up the Roman Catholicism of now-Chief Justice John Roberts were called religious bigots. No wonder liberals are now calling hypocrites the people who support Miers because of her religious beliefs.

Mr. Bush, please stop talking about group religious identity. Such thinking is dangerous to democracy. That's what they do in Iraq.

Shaky Decision

News item: In what was interpreted as a step forward for the strained relations between Pakistan and India, Islamabad has accepted a planeload of food and supplies from Delhi. However, the Muslim leaders of the quake-devastated region that split violently from India over half a century ago declined an offer of helicopters from their largely Hindu neighbor.

Hey, President Musharraf: Wake up. Your citizens fighting for life right now in the rubble don't care whether the helicopters (or their pilots) are Hindu, Sikh, Muslim, Christian, Jewish, atheist, vegetarian, radical feminist, flat-earthers, or whatever. They just care that someone rescues them ... right now.

You've admitted the earthquake is beyond your abilities to deal with. It's time to swallow your pride and stop looking a gift horse in the mouth. Right now.

Religion of Peace 5

... IslamisareligionofpeaceIslamisareligionofpeaceIslamisareligionof....

We interrupt this program for a breaking news bulletin:

"Responding to the megadisaster in Pakistan, the United States diverted troops from the war in Afghanistan to assist with with relief efforts. Meanwhile, back in Iraq, Islamic terrorists attempting to return the country to dictatorship set off two car bombs, killing 39 more people."

We now return to our regularly scheduled program:

... isareligionofpeaceIslamisareligionofpeaceIslamisareligionof....

100-Minute Bible

A Brit named Michael Hinten has created something called The 100-Minute Bible. It is billed as a way to introduce God's Word to people who are too busy. I'm all for finding innovative ways to communicate truth to postmoderns, but whoever said God was convenient? Not Jesus, who spoke a lot about taking up your cross and walking on the narrow way.

Another Disaster

When Hurricane Katrina hit the Gulf Coast and killed 1,000 people, I seem to recall al-Qaeda types rejoicing in "Allah's judgment" against the decadent Americans. Now that an earthquake has killed at least 30,000 people (mostly Muslims) in Pakistan, Afghanistan, and India, where are these theologians now? I hope and expect Americans and Christians will be as conspicuous in their efforts to help these latest victims as al-Qaeda was conspicuous in its absence after Katrina.

Just Say Yes

A favorite piece of parenting advice I have received is, "You are going to have to tell your children no often enough. Be sure to say yes whenever you can."

The Trouble with Harriet

George W. Bush's defense of his ill-advised nomination (apparently from a position of political weakness) of the underqualified Harriet Miers, a long-time friend, seems to rest on three shaky pillars.

1. "Trust me."

2. She's a woman.

3. She's done Meals-on-Wheels and taught Sunday school.

The president's advisers (when they aren't accusing disappointed conservatives of elitism) are attempting to rally our support by mentioning (by the way) that she's an evangelical. As we've been saying for years, we don't have racial, gender, or religious quotas for the Supreme Court, even when one of our own is served up.

Sorry, Mr. President. Miss Miers may be a wonderful person (and even an excellent White House counsel) but she cannot possibly be, as you absurdly assert, the best qualified person for the Supreme Court.

There are many better qualified candidates (men and women) on the federal bench. Try again.

Teen Targets

Time magazine's cover piece this week, "The Battle Over Gay Teens," reports that boys are having their first sexual encounters with other males at an average age of 14 and are the focus of intense recruiting efforts by older homosexuals. And we are supposed to think this is healthy?

What do you think the public's reaction would be if a band of heterosexual women made concerted and well-funded efforts to get those same boys into the sack? If sexual activity at such a young age is wrong and unhealthy for heterosexuals, why would anyone think it is okay with regards to homosexuals? Just wondering.

Hurricane Stan

My namesake, Hurricane Stan, was a weak Category 1 storm. And yet it killed more than 50 people in Central America. Why? Two words: building codes. It's hard to keep your house from sliding down a mountain when it's made of plywood or cardboard.

"W" Doesn't Stand for "Winning"

With time running out, it's fourth and goal from the one yard line. "W," down by three points, stands behind center and scans the defense. Linebackers Harry Reid and Teddy Kennedy appear ready to crash in from the left and stop any nominee trying to score for Team Bush from the right. But "W" has any number of strong backs (Janice Brown and Michael McConnell, just to name two) who can get the job done and leap over Dick Durbin to paydirt. Plus, he has an offensive line of determined conservatives who outnumber the Democrats at the point of attack.

Suddenly, however, "W" stands up, making a "T" with his hands. He calls timeout. The fans who got him to this point wait breathlessly, hoping to see a daring play into the end zone.

But what's this? Instead of seeing a powerful running back trot onto the field, they rub their eyes in wonder and dismay. An unknown Bush confidante walks out and lines up to kick not a game-winning but a game-tying field goal.

The question is: Will the conservatives block for her?

Religion of Peace 4

....Islamisareligionofpeace Islamisareligionofpeace Islamisareligionofpeace Islamisareligionofpeace Islamisareligionofpeace Islamisareligionofpeace Islamisareligionof
We interrupt this program for a breaking news bulletin:
"On Saturday, terrorists launched a coordinated attack in Bali, Indonesia's tourist hub, killing 26 people and injuring more than 100. Analysts immediately suspected Jemaah Islamiyah, whose members were convicted of the Bali nightclub bombings in 2002, and two other terrorist attacks in Jakarta in 2003 and 2004. The group is linked to al Qaeda, which is attempting to impose a strict Islamic society on the rest of the world."
We now resume our regularly scheduled programming.
....isareligionofpeace Islamisareligionofpeace Islamisareligionofpeace Islamisareligionofpeace Islamisareligionofpeace Islamisareligionofpeace Islamisareligionofpeace Islamis....

Modest Expectations

Getaways, like politics, are all about expectations. If you fail to meet them, you are disappointed. If you exceed them, you are pleased. So keep your expectations modest.

Beautiful Site

This is an unsolicited testimonial. My friend David Dix is an outstanding nature photographer. Visit his site, www.creationswitness.com, to see some of his terrific work.